Star Wars Or Harry Potter—Can YOU Tell the Difference?

“Anakin, we need you to go with Jedi Master Soba Yaki and Padawan Zumba to the Souvlaki System, where King Adderall is under attack from Captain Heinous and his droids.”

“Class, if you will observe Mr. Pemblesmith, he is currently demonstrating why the Blumbleflarx plant should only be handled while wearing gloves made from the enchanted skin of the Jovian Nightsnake. Bartholomew and Horatio, kindly take Pemblesmith to Ms. Broomesly in the infirmary.”

Love them or hate them, the calvalcade of names in the Star Wars and Harry Potter series are nothing if not distinctive. …or ARE THEY??? Can YOU tell the difference? Take a gander at classifying the character names below:

Chocolate For Every Kind of Mom

The world is a fountain overflowing with chocolate diversity. In order to pick juuust the right one for YOUR mother, simply answer the following questions:

	How busy is your mother?
A	Not at all, apparently, because she calls me every few hours, every day.
B	Kinda-sorta. Busy, but she had time to re-read the entire Harry Potter series.
C	Extremely. She's so busy doing things for me and others that sometimes she forgets to breathe.

If you answered C, then we recommend: Vosges Exotic Chocolate Bar!
Comes complete with a 5-Step Guide, including that crucial first step you don't want your mom to forget: breathing!

The (Robot) Love Doctor is ON

...In which 7-year-old Timmy seeks love advice from Artificially Intelligent Chatbots, including Jenny, Cleverbot, Santa Bot, Brain Bot, Cindy, Captain Kirk, Einstein, Dog Bot, Francois, Mitsuku, and Splotchy.

Awkward Aardvark Meets Awkward Government!

In which Socially Awkward Aardvark meets his match, thanks to Dan Quail, Billy Goat Clinton, George W. Bushbaby, and Sarah Pangolin. See part 1 here.

In a Tennessee School Library

AARDVARK: Hey, this is... this is Caterpillar! Caterpillar has his own book! Hey George, look, Caterpillar is inside this -
GEORGE W BUSHBABY: - You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.¹
AARDVARK: ...What?

10 Ways to Mess With Kids on Christmas

When you dine next to little ones and are served any meat dish, jump back from the table and say "WHAT??! This is REINDEER meat!! How COULD you?? Santa won't be able to deliver presents now!"

Explain to kids that something terrible has happened to Santa, it's the same thing that happened to Grandpa before he died, he's gone crazy and he's not wearing his Santa suit anymore, and he's mad and yelling all the time, and there's something REALLY wrong with all the elves, they've turned evil and mean and they're fighting with everybody, it's just really, really bad. Then show them footage of Saruman and the orcs from Lord of the Rings.