White House Venns #1: Donald Trump, Jr.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/donald-trump-jr-was-told-campaign-meeting-would-be-with-russian-government-lawyer-according-to-emails/2017/07/11/70b957e2-664c-11e7-9928-22d00a47778f_story.html

http://www.latimes.com/politics/la-na-pol-trump-russians-20170710-story.html

http://www.washingtonpost.com/investigations/donald-trump-jr-stumbled-while-trying-to-make-a-mark-in-the-business-world/2017/02/04/363ce654-d84b-11e6-b8b2-cb5164beba6b_story.html

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/21/business/north-charleston-donald-trump.html

On the Nature of Progress

So our path to progress is two steps forward, five steps back. Nevertheless, we must continue to push the overall curve up and up, my friends.

Oh, and by the way: this is actually a graph of global temperatures from 1920 to 2016—the red dot at upper right is us now. Ha! Ha! We’re FUCKED.

[Global Mean Surface Temperature (January–June) from NASA GISTEMP; vertical range shown is approx. 1.5ºC; link here.]

Modern Jazz vs. Trad Jazz

Imagine a pie. 

Now imagine you get a piece (yay!), but not 1/6th or 1/8th of the pie, but rather 1/70th of the pie. How would that piece look? Could you even remove it from the pie? Now picture taking your thin slice and trying to slice it even further, into say a dozen pieces. Could you do it? What would those tiny slices look like? Now imagine gathering all those wispy micro-slices on your plate in a sad little pile.

That’s jazz.

At a whopping 1.4% of American music consumption¹, jazz is that slice of 1/70th of the pie, and its subgenres—traditional, Afro-Cuban, modern, fusion, etc.—are those all-but insubstantial slices of slice.

1. Nielsen 2014 U.S. Music Year-End Report: http://www.nielsen.com/content/dam/corporate/us/en/public%20factsheets/Soundscan/nielsen-2014-year-end-music-report-us.pdf
 
I say all this to demonstrate the microscopic scale on which we operate when we talk about  TRADITIONAL JAZZ vs. MODERN JAZZ.

Better Person, Better Musician: Responses to the Venn Diagram

 

UPDATE: You can now order the poster, shown at left, at http://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/62141773! Also available are T-shirts, pins, magnets, stickers, mugs, coasters, postcards, and even a clock, notebooks, and more…


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
Since I posted my PSA Venn Diagrams back in June 2015, hundreds of thousands of people have viewed it—well, at least one part of it. This particular diagram has been liked/shared in the upwards of 28,000 36,000 48,500 60,000 83,000 248,000 times on Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, and the like:

The original Venn diagram.

 
Thanks to everyone who has shared it (without cropping out Pwuth!). Here are some of the greatest comments out there…

PSA Venn Diagrams

Well, it’s time again for another installment of visual aids!—this time, Venn Diagrams for the benefit of the General Public. Yes, through the exciting drama of circles that do and do not overlap, we will find the beginnings of true wisdom.


[UPDATE: a response to the ‘being a better person & musician’ diagram has now been posted at http://pwuth.blogspot.com/2015/08/better-person-better-musician-responses.html!]

Let’s start simple:

White ‘chocolate’ is not chocolate at all. It does not contain any cocoa solids. It may have cocoa butter, but then again, so do your chapstick and body lotion. NOT CHOCOLATE.

White Day & Valentine's Day: BEST Holidays Ever?

What is White Day??

White Day, the Japanese sequel to Valentine’s Day, is now celebrated in South Korea, Taiwan, and China (according to Wikipedia). On March 14th (one month after Valentine’s Day), gifts of white chocolate and marshmallow are given—but ONLY from men to women. Huh? How is this a sequel to Valentine’s Day, you ask?

Well, let’s back up. Japanese society traditionally asks and expects women to be timid, submissive, and deferential to their male counterparts (though modern Japanese society is evolving). In the arena of romance, the woman’s traditional role is to be passive—to BE courted rather than court. That is, on 364 days a year.

On the remaining day—Valentine’s Day—women give men chocolate. Men do not give anything to women; it is a day of strictly one-way giving. It is a chance, a single-day window, for women to be proactive about expressing their romantic interests—nay, a day when they are in fact encouraged to confess their feelings!—in this specific societally-sanctioned way.

Guys, think about this for a moment.

Japanese Valentine’s Day is the best holiday ever.

Super Cyborg Killing Transformer Shoe

~ Stories By 8-Year-Olds ~

In the spring of 1987, the grubby little fingers in Mrs. Thompson’s 1st grade class were hard at work scribbling out short fiction. Witches flew on broomsticks. Easter Bunnies delivered eggs, or didn’t. Ladybugs ate aphids. Life was grand.

However, as ABC Publishing Editor N. Hardwell was quick to point out (in his brutal rejection letter here), all of these short stories were remarkably formulaic. Every story in the anthology I Am the Easter Bunny, for example, started with:

I am the Easter Bunny. My name is _____¹. I am _____².

1. Floppy, Hoppy, Gilbert, Spotty, Fluffy, Swifty, Floppy, Easter, Fluffy, Heather, Easter, Gilbert, Smarty, Fluffy, and Rainbow Egg
2. Various combinations of: white, fat, fast, nice, happy

Given these cookie-cutter shapes, is it any surprise that the vast majority of children filled in the exact same cookies?

Now, don’t get me wrong: for Mrs. Thompson to have 1st graders write short fiction is AWESOME, and she was a GREAT teacher; I certainly loved her. Furthermore, some students must have benefitted from this kind of 1-2-3 guidance (here’s looking at you, Easter Bunny named ‘Easter’). But to be creative in this context, students had to be crafty—they had to include the mandatory sentences, but then branch out onto their own paths.

I live in Bunny Town. Do you like my eggs? I like Easter. Do you like Easter? I do like Easter. It is fun. Some of my eggs break.

I didn’t say they were good paths. But, BUT… then there was young Gordon. Little Gordon’s Easter Bunny (named ‘Rainbow Egg’) hops to the planet Jupiter and has difficulty understanding space monster language. His ladybug, who is melted by magic when trying to kill an evil witch, is rescued by a friend from the witch’s castle.

Clearly chomping at bit.

If there were any clearer evidence that young authors’ creativity was being stifled by these formulaic requirements at school, then it is this story, which I wrote less than two years after I Am a Ladybug, presumably NOT for a school assignment:

Star Wars Or Harry Potter—Can YOU Tell the Difference?

“Anakin, we need you to go with Jedi Master Soba Yaki and Padawan Zumba to the Souvlaki System, where King Adderall is under attack from Captain Heinous and his droids.”

“Class, if you will observe Mr. Pemblesmith, he is currently demonstrating why the Blumbleflarx plant should only be handled while wearing gloves made from the enchanted skin of the Jovian Nightsnake. Bartholomew and Horatio, kindly take Pemblesmith to Ms. Broomesly in the infirmary.”

Love them or hate them, the calvalcade of names in the Star Wars and Harry Potter series are nothing if not distinctive. …or ARE THEY??? Can YOU tell the difference? Take a gander at classifying the character names below:

Disturbing Patterns

Slow down. Take it easy! Take time to smell the flowers. Smile! Look at the clouds! Don't miss the forest for the trees. In today's world, it isn't surprising we have so many disposable phrases that are essentially variations of: wake up from your stupor and look the fuck around you (this means you, tourist with face buried in map, friend obsessed with cell phone, guy sexting and driving). When we do emerge from our cyber- or other-cocoons, what we notice can range from the mundane to the highly amazing or disturbing, depending on the depth and breadth of our attention. Focused attention over time, in particular, can lead to the awareness of large trends.

For example, now, as I'm writing this, it's Wednesday. As I type, I notice Wednesday has two Es in it. Yesterday, Tuesday had only one E. Then, thinking back, Monday had none. Do you realize what is going on here? If I were a beast, even a domesticated animal, I might wait around to see what comes next, but as an intelligent human being, I can forecast and learn - I can use what I've seen before, recognize the trend, and extrapolate the future! What comes next? Obviously the day with three Es!

(click any picture to enlarge)

Clearly, this is a case of pure linear growth. 0, 1, 2, and next, tomorrow must have 3 Es. Theeresday? The day after that, which I've heard typically pronounced 'Fry Day' must be spelled with four Es: Freeeeday, Freedaeey, or perhaps Feereeday. Although I've heard talk of 'Satyr Day' and 'Sun Day' following Feereeday, I'm not really sure how to spell those with 5 and 6 Es respectively. No doubt some of you readers have had more schooling than me and will be able to offer corrections.

Slutty and Difficult Halloween Costumes

Advice to the wary: If your sensibilities are easily offended by hypothetical thought experiments meant to amuse, skip this post. Groups and peoples which may be offended herein include but are not limited to: Christians, athiests, Catholics, feminists, chauvinists, healthcare workers, WWII veterans, small children, old people, fans of Boris Karloff, French people, hospitalized patients, politicians, emergency relief workers, marine biologists, civil engineers, chefs, economists, little old ladies, costume designers, cat people, people with any moral dignity.

Difficult Halloween costumes are nothing new - witness last night, which saw this author pass such topical costumes as 'Closed National Park' and 'Debt Ceiling'; or think back to that one guy explaining his costume over and over again since it's based on a weak pun; or consider conceptual challenges such as 'nepotism,' 'infant mortality,' and similar phrases gleefully submitted by sadistic charades gamers. Meanwhile, slutty (or 'sexy' if you're being less offensive, which I'm not) costumes have been a staple for longer than sorority girls can remember - a tried and true formula for instant costume brainstorming: take anything, and make it slutty. Ta-da!! Related idea generators include of course transvestitism (applied to any strongly gender-associated outfit) and zombification (of anything).

Revised 'Compound Curse Words' Network Graph

by Gordon

Dear readers: Clearly, I should've done more market research on the 'Compound Curse Words' network graph from my last post. Many people have graced me since with utterly correct additions and thoughtful questions - many more than regarding my usual posts (I must say I'm impressed with everyone's passion and strong opinions about profanity). Below are some contributions.

To clarify, this was supposed to encompass compound words that are used as derogatory curses. I am omitting other 'bad words' that aren't usually directed at people, such as bullshit and jackshit (shithole, on the other hand, I believe is in the vernacular).

All Your Base Are Belong to Bell Curve: Graphing the World

by Gordon

And now, a return to sciencey goodness: the endless joy of graphing. Or rather, the joy of graphing that peaks at a certain optimal number of graphs, and drops off with increasing rapidity below or above that number. This is tricky business! - in essence, semantic calculus: extrapolating the relationship of two dynamic variables, at least one of which is usually complex and problematic (e.g. your happiness, your chance of being a circus performer). I hope my high school math teachers will appreciate this.

First up, some newer graphs (since some of these already appeared on spacebook). Let's start with improvising musicians:

That dip at the left is because if you play a solo with only one or two notes, you're either Wayne Shorter, or at least someone with overwhelming musical cojones.