Easter Fools’ Day Pranks

For many of us, today marks the first EASTER FOOLS’ DAY in our lifetimes: the last time it happened was in 1956. Hope you’ve been busy brainstorming for the last 60 years… Let’s dive right in!

If you have swimming pool: find an Easter Bunny suit, or a large stuffed animal rabbit, tie weights to it, and sink it in the pool. Take several Easter baskets and eggs and fake grass and throw them in the water. On Easter morning, burst into the kids’ room and stammer tearfully, “Oh no oh no! There’s been a terrible accident!”

Super Cyborg Killing Transformer Shoe

~ Stories By 8-Year-Olds ~

In the spring of 1987, the grubby little fingers in Mrs. Thompson’s 1st grade class were hard at work scribbling out short fiction. Witches flew on broomsticks. Easter Bunnies delivered eggs, or didn’t. Ladybugs ate aphids. Life was grand.

However, as ABC Publishing Editor N. Hardwell was quick to point out (in his brutal rejection letter here), all of these short stories were remarkably formulaic. Every story in the anthology I Am the Easter Bunny, for example, started with:

I am the Easter Bunny. My name is _____¹. I am _____².

1. Floppy, Hoppy, Gilbert, Spotty, Fluffy, Swifty, Floppy, Easter, Fluffy, Heather, Easter, Gilbert, Smarty, Fluffy, and Rainbow Egg
2. Various combinations of: white, fat, fast, nice, happy

Given these cookie-cutter shapes, is it any surprise that the vast majority of children filled in the exact same cookies?

Now, don’t get me wrong: for Mrs. Thompson to have 1st graders write short fiction is AWESOME, and she was a GREAT teacher; I certainly loved her. Furthermore, some students must have benefitted from this kind of 1-2-3 guidance (here’s looking at you, Easter Bunny named ‘Easter’). But to be creative in this context, students had to be crafty—they had to include the mandatory sentences, but then branch out onto their own paths.

I live in Bunny Town. Do you like my eggs? I like Easter. Do you like Easter? I do like Easter. It is fun. Some of my eggs break.

I didn’t say they were good paths. But, BUT… then there was young Gordon. Little Gordon’s Easter Bunny (named ‘Rainbow Egg’) hops to the planet Jupiter and has difficulty understanding space monster language. His ladybug, who is melted by magic when trying to kill an evil witch, is rescued by a friend from the witch’s castle.

Clearly chomping at bit.

If there were any clearer evidence that young authors’ creativity was being stifled by these formulaic requirements at school, then it is this story, which I wrote less than two years after I Am a Ladybug, presumably NOT for a school assignment:

Rejected Stories By First-Graders

by Gordon

---

N. Hardwell
Editor, ABC Publishing

Mrs. Thompson
Dill Elementary School

July 1, 1987

Mrs. Thompson:

I recently received your submission "A Witch: a Collection of Creative Stories by Mrs. Thompson's First Grade Class" (facsimile below), along with the similarly-subtitled anthologies "I Am the Easter Bunny" and "Ladybugs." As I was between major editing projects, I was able to read through them rather quickly.

I should say start reading through them, because I was unable to make it all the way through any one submission. Frankly, your writers cannot be called 'First Grade' in any sense. Despite being somewhat inured to bad writing (thanks to decades in this cesspool of an industry), after reading "A Witch," I felt so nauseous I had to lay down to avoid vomiting. I had to restore my faith in human language by recalling Dr. Seuss rhymes and reading from a recipe book. I am now reconsidering my life.

How to Mess With Kids on Easter

The Easter Bunny's seen better days.

by Gordon (portions originally published 2012)

1) If you have a dog that destroys his toys: buy a stuffed animal white rabbit. Early Easter morning, bring your dog out to the back porch, give him the rabbit and allow him to rip it to shreds, scattering bits of fur and fluff far and wide. Maybe take a wicker basket and step on it and throw it nearby; break a few eggs on the ground. When the kids wake up, wonder aloud why there are no Easter baskets to be seen yet. Let the dog in and say, "Hey boy, what's that you got there? What's that piece of white fur in your mou - oh no. Oh NO. WHAT DID YOU DO???? WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE EASTER BUNNY??? Oh no, kids, whatever you do, do NOT LOOK IN THE BACKYARD!!!"

2) Corner some children at a small egg hunt: "OK, kids, make sure you find all 446 eggs!"
An hour later, say "Still not yet? Oh boy... it's gonna be a lot harder to find them once it gets dark. And it's gonna be so cold, and raining... Come on, hurry up!"