March 17, 2020

How to Mess With Kids on St. Patrick’s Day

(Aside from watching the Leprechaun horror movies)

On St. Patrick’s Eve: “FYI, kids, remember they update the St. Patrick’s Day rules this year. Yeah, you remember from school: the Church of St. Patrick sets the rules, and they change every [10, 15, etc.] years. Usually they switch between easy and hard rules. So that old ‘wear green or you get pinched’—that’s obviously an easy one. I mean, we all have something kinda green, right? But this year—and I know you know this already—it’s wear something FOREST green or get your arms chopped off. Yeah, all that research and preparing we all did last month to get clothes with the exact right shade of forest green—that will really pay off. I’m glad you pay such close attention in school and heard about this from your teachers weeks ago. Oh yeah, don’t forget the day officially starts at midnight! Yay, it’s almost time.”