July 4, 2019

Why You Should Buy Skysploders™ 💥

Features of Our New & Improved Modern Fireworks

  • no longer explode early!
  • less radiation
  • flaming pieces will surely stop burning before they hit the ground
  • rocket launcher now points up instead of down
  • no longer blind viewers within 50 mile radius
  • glow-in-the-dark
  • less spontaneous combustion above 85º F
  • bluetooth
  • now almost legal in 3 states!

Early Civilization Terms For Fireworks
  • oh god the sky is exploding
  • giant sky death flowers
  • demon summoners
  • the sins of our forefathers rendered in the script of hellfire
  • ancestors’ fury