June 30, 2013

A New York Moment

A True Story, as poorly recalled by Gordon

Times Square, around 1AM

GUY: Ohh sorry can I bother you to take a picture please? Of me and my dog.
GIRL: Sure!
ME: Of course.
GUY: It's actually for my boyfriend. He's relaxing at home and making me walk his dog.
GIRL: Haha.
GUY: He's just sitting there and I'm out... walking his dog... in the middle of the night.
ME: Haha...the things we'll do for love!
GIRL: So where do you want it?
GUY: Here is fine. [Strikes multiple butt-centric modelesque poses]
GIRL: (Kissy-kissy) Over here! [Dog looks up from sniffing ground]
GUY: Oh, don't worry about her. Ellie, look!
ME: Ellie, Ellie! Over here! [Dog returns to sniffing ground]
GUY: Oh well. [Continues over-the-shoulder hand-on-butt pose]
GIRL: [Snaps pictures] OK.
GUY: [Looking at photos] Do you guys want a copy?
GIRL: No, it's OK. How is it? Do you want another? I'll shoot as long as you want.
GUY: Well... sorry, yeah, just another one?
GIRL: No problem.
[Multiple poses later]
GUY: Great! Want me to hook you up with a copy?
GIRL: No, no. We're alright, thanks.
GUY: You sure?
GIRL: Yeah.
GUY: So are you two... an item?
GIRL: Well...
ME: Actually, we just met today.
GUY: Ooooo. Oh, do you want a picture? I can take a picture of you guys!
ME: Sure, thanks!
GUY: That's nice!... Uh, OK, let's take another one... Cute!
GIRL: Nice.
ME: Thanks! [Dog is licking my hand.]
GIRL: She's so friendly.
ME: Nice dog. [Dog is licking my arm]
GUY: Is he Asian? ...Is your friend Asian?
GIRL: Yes. Yes.
GUY: [To me] Hey, are you Asian?
ME: Yeah. [Dog is licking my entire arm non-stop]
GUY: [To her] Wow, she really loves the Asian taste of your friend!!
[Dog is licking my other hand]
GIRL: Uhh... Yeah, I guess so.
ME: There's a nice dog. [Standing up]
GUY: Well. He IS Asian. And handsome. [Hand on my back] Just saying. [Slaps/pats my butt]
GIRL: [Smiling] Wait, what about me? I'm beautiful or something, right?
ME: Yeah!
GUY: Oh yes... beautiful. [To me] You should, you know... put the moves on. Turn on the moves. [Nodding head] Well, this has been a real New York moment. I should be heading back. You guys have a great night!
ME: You too!
GIRL: Bye! [Guy walks off]
GIRL: Did he just slap your butt?
ME: Well, kinda my upper butt... yeah. That happened.
GIRL: That was awesome.
ME: Yeah, that was amazing. Only in New York.
ME: I kind of wish we had the guy's picture to show people when we tell that story.
GIRL: Hahaha. I should have told him I wanted it. What was I thinking??

Elsewhere, earlier that evening

LADY: So... is your name really Gordon?
ME: ...

LADY: Or...
ME: Wait... you mean, is my real name some Chinese or Japanese thing you can't pronounce?

LADY: I mean, I know some people who come here and use other names...
ME: No, it's just Gordon.


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