Features of Our New & Improved Modern Fireworks
- no longer explode early!
- less radiation
- flaming pieces will surely stop burning before they hit the ground
- rocket launcher now points up instead of down
- no longer blind viewers within 50 mile radius
- glow-in-the-dark
- less spontaneous combustion above 85º F
- bluetooth
- now almost legal in 3 states!
Early Civilization Terms For Fireworks
- oh god the sky is exploding
- giant sky death flowers
- demon summoners
- the sins of our forefathers rendered in the script of hellfire
- ancestors’ fury