Derby Day & Weird-Ass Horse Names

“And they’re off! It’s Faster Disaster and Alternative Facts headed to the front, followed by Horsetastic… Behind them are Awkward Turtle and Invalid Login… But coming around the bend is Potato Is a Fruit! Look out, he’s got Pony Baloney on his six, and look—Bandwiches is pulling up even with Sir Snortsalot and Disquieting Smell, and vying for tenth place are Insufficient Funds and Horsey McHorseface. Wait, now it’s Raw Water pulling ahead in the middle, with Horsezilla right on his tail, and OH!—Dumpster Fire just took a spill—hope they’re all right—Horsebot taking his place, with Why the Long Face trailing. Out front coming out of nowhere is Vaguely Horse-like! Look at him go! And behind him are Horse Jerky and Look of Concern, and rounding the corner are Product Placement and Grand St. Stomper, neck and neck! F For Effort coming in for sixth, and Bad at Horsing seventh. Who will win?? Oh, the excitement!…”

Enjoy the race, everyone—happy Derby day!

All of the above horses, incidentally, meet the Jockey Club race horse naming requirements and are currently available! Though, throw me some dough if you actually register them, lol:

http://www.registry.jockeyclub.com/registry.cfm?Page=tjcRuleBook#six
 

Other horses that didn’t make this race (and might not be approveable names) include:

Swedish Chef
Neighbelline
I Know You Are
I Have Six Legs
Horsus Christ
Amazeballs
Unicornholio
Hangryface
Whaddya Know
Slow Burn
Vog the Destroyer
Land Submarine
Mephistopheles
Future Dog Food
Horsebeard
Cat Facts
Data Are Plural
Mr. Tiny Hands
Gas Safety
Syntax Error
B Plus
Final Armageddon 2
Enigma of Darkness
Oreobot
Binders of Women
Hanging Chad
Ejection Seat
Tray Table
RestingHorseface

Special thanks to Kelsey.