Slutty and Difficult Halloween Costumes

Advice to the wary: If your sensibilities are easily offended by hypothetical thought experiments meant to amuse, skip this post. Groups and peoples which may be offended herein include but are not limited to: Christians, athiests, Catholics, feminists, chauvinists, healthcare workers, WWII veterans, small children, old people, fans of Boris Karloff, French people, hospitalized patients, politicians, emergency relief workers, marine biologists, civil engineers, chefs, economists, little old ladies, costume designers, cat people, people with any moral dignity.

Difficult Halloween costumes are nothing new - witness last night, which saw this author pass such topical costumes as 'Closed National Park' and 'Debt Ceiling'; or think back to that one guy explaining his costume over and over again since it's based on a weak pun; or consider conceptual challenges such as 'nepotism,' 'infant mortality,' and similar phrases gleefully submitted by sadistic charades gamers. Meanwhile, slutty (or 'sexy' if you're being less offensive, which I'm not) costumes have been a staple for longer than sorority girls can remember - a tried and true formula for instant costume brainstorming: take anything, and make it slutty. Ta-da!! Related idea generators include of course transvestitism (applied to any strongly gender-associated outfit) and zombification (of anything).

Yet only once in a werewolf's full moon do we see a costume which combines the slutty and the difficult. Accordingly, in ironic honor of All Saints' Day, I hereby present a compact but informative graph on the nature of Halloween costumes which are both slutty AND difficult.

(click to zoom)

 I've identified four broad regions for your convenience:

• Region A: Fair game - fire at will!
• Region B: For those hankering for a challenge. 
• Region C: Prepare for hate mail and/or beatings. 'Difficult' in the sense of being difficult to execute, difficult to justify, and difficult to survive a night on the town.
• Region D: We never met; we never had this conversation; THIS NEVER HAPPENED. For your next costume, perhaps consider trying to be a decent human being.

Remember, if you're offended: I warned you. Happy All Saints' Day!